CONNECTION. It’s one of those core human needs we all have innately placed within us. That hope that somehow our presence is important, valued and desired by someone else. Or is it all just a bit cliché? Why is it that genuine connection seems to be so lacking, and so difficult to find in our western world if it’s something that none of us can truly do without in order to live a fulfilled life?
Connection can be seen on so many levels – globablly, nationally, regionally, in communities (of various sizes), in neighbourhoods, in families, in homes. But there’s one level of connection that I haven’t mentioned. It’s one that I see as perhaps THE MOST IMPORTANT, the most crucial kind of connection that anyone could ever develop. This connection should never be pursued at the expense of the other types I’ve mentioned. I believe it’s the most FOUNDATIONAL kind of connection to have in order to make HEALTHY CONNECTIONS in every other sphere of our lives.
“What are you talking about???” I hear you ask.
Genuine connection with others begins with GENUINE CONNECTION WITH OURSELVES. To some this may sound a little cliché. But I can tell you with the utmost confidence that it couldn’t be more true!
I’ve been having this conversation with a number of people recently. It has become abundantly clear that many of us have learnt to ‘disconnect’ from ourselves at different times through our lives. Most often this is because we’re protecting ourselves from some kind of grief and trauma in our past. In an effort to move forward we try to disconnect from the pain inside of us. Then we attempt to move forward to be who we think we want to be or should be according to others. Inevitably this still finds us coming up short!
No matter how hard we try to escape the hurt inside of us it isn’t going to leave unless we make a choice to bring something new to that space. Interestingly, we often don’t even realise that we need healing because we grow so used to functioning out of our pain, that it becomes our ‘normal’. When something is normal we don’t often see any need to change it.
So what does it actually mean to have a connection with yourself?
Is it merely about recognizing our emotions and learning how to manage them appropriately? Or is it something more than that?
As I work with an increasing number of people, what has stood out most clearly to me as a therapist is that those who possess a willingness to go deep, commit to doing the necessary healing work required, and take personal responsibility for how they move forward (this is vital), they are the ones who give themselves permission to enter into that ‘connection zone’ with themselves. It’s in that place they discover the belief systems that were established as their ‘normal’ and respectfully begin to challenge the status quo that is not serving them or bringing life to their inner world.
It’s in identifying what needs to change, and acknowledging it, that healing can become more than just wishful thinking.
Learning to connect with the deep spaces inside of ourselves is no small thing. There may be many reasons why it seems unattainable for some. Fear of being re-traumatised. Concern about not being able to stop yourself from wallowing in the pain. So many reasons why it may not be ideal or even comfortable. However, those things are never the goal. Connecting with the deepest parts of yourself is all about allowing yourself to ‘go there’ in order to recognise and validate yourself in your pain. Giving yourself something that wasn’t given to you when you needed it at a much earlier stage in life. All for the purpose of being able to move forward to a place of healing.
This is merely the beginning of the healing journey. There is a process to embrace. Big emotions to be felt. Support to be given. And it cycles through over and over again, until connection with each hidden part inside of us is attained.
Advisably, this is a journey to be embarked upon with healthy supports in place. It is a journey that will be easier for some than others. However, the goal is always to reconnect with the previously shut-down parts of you that deserve to be identified, acknowledged and healed.
As we explore the depths of our inner world, we inevitably discover that there is a human race out there with other beautiful souls who need this acknowledgement and healing just as much as we do. And in doing so we connect genuinely with those who wish to embrace their healing journey too.
There is so much more I could bring to this massive conversation right now. But my purpose here was simply to highlight the incredible need we have for connection with ourselves, so that we might afford ourselves the privilege of connecting with others in a way that is genuine, heartfelt and truly healing.
Wherever you are in your pursuit of inner healing I want to encourage you to keep moving forward. One step at a time. Seek the support you need. Personal. Professional. Genuine connection with ourselves and others is so much more than a cliché. It really is something our souls yearn for desperately. A basic human need that has been so neglected for so many.
Make GENUINE CONNECTION your goal moving forward. Not with striving. But from a place of longing and commitment to the process. And a deep knowing that you, beautiful soul, are so very worth it.
With you on the journey,