Counselling Service Albury Wodonga
Facebook
  • Home
  • Counselling Services
  • Online Courses
  • Blog
  • Testimonials
  • Contact

Mother’s Day Grief: Navigating the absence of loved ones

May 9, 2019Glenda O'NeillBlog, Grief and Loss, Seasons in the Grief Journey, Supporting Someone through Grief1 comment

As this Mother’s Day approaches I sit here writing with some big, wild emotions. Torn between which one to share and make my focus. I’m a therapist, so addressing big emotions is what I do. But I’ll confess, perhaps not surprisingly, that there are moments in my own journey that are incredibly challenging. More so than others. There are significant losses of people I know and love that are weighing heavily on me in this moment. So it’s here that I share an expression of that in anticipation of this Mother’s Day. And importantly, to honour those who find themselves in this grief struggle again, or perhaps for the first time ever in their lives.

Emotions I’ve experienced spontaneously over the past weeks include deep sadness, gratitude, longing, hope, regret and heartache. Whether your grief this Mother’s Day includes grieving the death of your mother or a child; a disconnect or severed relationship with your mother or a child; the loss of an unborn baby; a significant change or transition in your life that has somehow altered relationship with your mother or your children; the absence of a mother’s love; the absence of being a mother in spite of a deep desire for that to be your reality; and experiencing vicarious grief (feeling the grief pain of someone else you know and love deeply). These are only a few examples of what your Mother’s Day Grief may look like this year.

In my world right now I have close family who are years into their journey after losing a mother or a child to untimely or even expected death in one way or another. Other beautiful members of my family are grieving the very sudden loss of a wife and mum who died just today. There are close friends whose loss is so raw and recent, only weeks into their grief journey. Whilst another beautiful family in my world are grieving the imminent loss of a stunning wife and mum whose life has been interrupted by an insidious disease. I know people who are navigating the loss of relationship with their mothers due to circumstances requiring unhealthy, unsafe relationships to be severed.

There are so many who experience pain associated with Mother’s Day. This day can be so deeply painful for those grieving the death or absence of a mother’s love. Or as a mother being unable to shower your love or be loved on because of the death or absence of your children. Mother’s Day grief can bring up a whole lot of emotions like loneliness, rejection, anger, alienation, despair, bitterness, anguish and longing. For so many it is just a day to endure. Hoping they can just make it through.

If you’re struggling with Mother’s Day grief, you are not alone. I want to honour YOU wherever you find yourself this year. I encourage you to take all the time you need to remember the mother figures you love and miss.  Then allow yourself to look around, in the ‘now’ and celebrate all the nurturing, wise, wonderful women who remain in your world and are there beside you in one way or another.

I’ve come to realise that gratitude mixed with heartache is the Mother’s Day formula for mothers grieving for a loved one…and for loved one’s grieving for mothers. It is here that I feel the need to mention how important it is to stay away from anything deemed as ‘negative coping’ though. While there is no one particular way to navigate your Mother’s Day Grief, there are certainly many constructive ways to make it through the day.

For some, it may be laying low. Not switching on the TV or exposing yourself to all of the Mother’s Day marketing throughout the stores. You may take the opportunity to do something you’ve been wanting to do for a while, like some gardening or getting out for a walk with the dog, or taking a drive to explore a new space nearby.

If you want to spend time remembering your own mum, you can do that in any number of ways, including the following. Do something that would’ve made your mum smile. Spend time looking through photos or other items/memorabilia from your mum. Spend time in a place that allows you to feel a connection with her, for example, her favourite picnic spot, restaurant, or even her grave-site. Doing an activity she loved to do.

For those wanting to focus more on your loved ones, here are the following suggestions. Focus on your own children. Spend time with other mother-figures in your life whom you love and admire. Make this Mother’s Day special for another ‘mother’ in your life. Send a card to another mother. Or maybe say thanks to your dad or another significant role model in your life.

There are so many constructive ways to navigate Mother’s Day whatever your current stance or preference may be. And last but not least, find someone or something to express gratitude for this Mother’s Day. It will do something significant to your soul to express your gratefulness for the role that someone else has taken in your life, even in the midst of your Mother’s Day Grief.

Thinking of you this Mother’s Day however you may be navigating your story.

With you on this journey!

Glenda x

Tags: blog post, Family, Grief, Grief Support, griefandloss, Grieving Parents, mother's day, Moving Forward, novocounselling, Transition, Trauma

Related Articles

Loving Me???

February 12, 2018Glenda O'Neill

Winning the hearts of our Young People

April 12, 2018Glenda O'Neill

Discovering Purpose In Your Pain

July 13, 2017Glenda O'Neill

1 comment. Leave new

Margaret “Marg Frahn”
May 10, 2019 7:28 am

So beautiful so well said Yes I certainly know Mother’s who have lost a child my first experience of this was when I was 10 years old and I lost a Cousin born with a hole in his heart He was 9 months old and was to have it repaired in Melbourne when he was 1 year old He would now be 63 I certainly have lovely memories of him His own Mother passed away last year at aged 94 Then yes a very special friend of mine lost her 11 year old daughter who we to loved and have very special memories of along with another friend who also lost her daughter after battling leukaemia I can’t even begin to imagine their pain and how their lives forever have been changed 💔💔💔

Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published.

Recent Posts

  • Australia on Fire: The Summer Inferno Down Under
  • Emotional pain: Is yours hijacking you?
  • Mother’s Day Grief: Navigating the absence of loved ones
  • Connection. Core Human Need or Cliche?
  • Leaders, Leadership & Loads They Carry

Recent Comments

  • Glenda O'Neill on How could a parent possibly ever recover from the death of a child?
  • Sally Rozas on How could a parent possibly ever recover from the death of a child?
  • Margaret “Marg Frahn” on Mother’s Day Grief: Navigating the absence of loved ones
  • Glenda O'Neill on Leaders, Leadership & Loads They Carry
  • Krista Kennedy on Leaders, Leadership & Loads They Carry

Archives

  • January 2020
  • August 2019
  • May 2019
  • April 2019
  • March 2019
  • February 2019
  • January 2019
  • December 2018
  • November 2018
  • April 2018
  • February 2018
  • January 2018
  • December 2017
  • November 2017
  • October 2017
  • September 2017
  • August 2017
  • July 2017
  • June 2017
  • May 2017
  • April 2017
  • March 2017
  • February 2017
  • January 2017

Categories

  • Blog
  • Children & Youth
  • Counselling
  • Emotional Intelligence
  • Forgiveness
  • Grief and Loss
  • Growth Mindset
  • Infertility & Grief
  • Mind Matters
  • Purpose
  • Seasons in the Grief Journey
  • Self Love
  • Supporting Someone through Grief
  • Uncategorised

Meta

  • Log in
  • Entries feed
  • Comments feed
  • WordPress.org
© Novo Counselling